How nice are you? There is actually a test.

So I took the “nice” Test. I answered YES to about 22 of 100 of the questions below. That gave me a 78% “nice” measure. so I’m nicer than most people. Its not that hard – some of the questions are…a little extreme. The ones in bold are my YES answers – with excuses.

1.) wanted somebody to stop talking, because you could not stand the sound of his/her voice?

Yes – I can say that I do this all the time. Some people don’t know when to stop talking, when onto to repeat information that is basic and has already been said – by them – and it makes it worse if their voice is horrible, e.g. too high pitched, gravelly – clear your throat or stop talking!

2.) used somebody for your own personal benefit?

Yes, a guy I’d known for three days said he was in love with me and so I asked him to pick me and a friend up at the airport so I didn’t have to pay $120 for a rental car (yes, JFK peak season). He said yes. For clarification, we met and I left for Seattle, on a phone call, he professed his undying love. Really dude! I know I’m awesome but hey….

3.) used somebody for your own personal benefit and not felt badly about it afterward?

See number two. Stupidity has consequences.

4.) lied?

Well, but not seriously for example – A health-nut ex asked me where I was, and I said “At home” because at that time I was pulling into Burger King. Or in another situation, I was asked if I had left home yet and since I was running late – said yes…Or on a date with a guy he asks if we will see each other again and while suppressing a yawn because he is so boring I said yes. 

5.) lied to the police?

Yes – I said I was speeding because I need to rush to the bathroom for specific female-relevant sanitary processes. It worked and saved me from a $150 speeding ticket. I was going 50 mph in a 35 mph zone at 1:00am, dude go home. Only works with males.

6.) thought about breaking somebody’s arm, leg, or whatever? 7.) yelled at a stranger for no apparent reason? 8.) gotten mad at somebody just for the sake of getting mad? 9.) felt the urge to kill an animal?

10.) actually killed an animal?

Yes, chickens, mice, rabbits etc. They are all considered food where I come from and its better to kill them first (and cook them) before you eat them. 

Oh..and I did in vivo studies in grad school……do rats and mice count with this question?

11.) felt the urge to kill a person? 12.) actually killed a person?

13.) believed you were the centre of the universe?

But I am. I am the center of my universe.

14.) been completely bored when a person has told you something extremely important to him/her?

Often. I mean, we have to take into consideration what people think is important. e.g. broken nail(s), hair drama, the time they went to Manhattan for the first time because even if they live an hour away, it’s so scary and they had to get over that fear. For the latter, I blame ridiculous parents that breed pussy kids and now I have to listen to this. No.

15.) been described as a hypocrite? 16.) agreed with the description? 17.) been told you did not care enough about something?

18.) ignored somebody when they were crying?

Some people cry over silly things. When adult males cry all the time, it’s too much. When kids cry, I completely ignore because its loud and I don’t believe adults should entertain this too-much-baby-behavior. One kid was crying because I sent another kid to put a banana peel in the garbage and he started crying because he wanted to get sent as well. Puh-leese. This, I ignore.

19.) punched somebody? 20.) punched somebody in the face? 21.) hurt somebody on purpose? 22.) hurt somebody to the point they didn’t fully recover? 23.) hated somebody for no reason?

24.) made an ethnic joke?

Well…yeah. Is being from Vienna an ethnicity? On another note, I wrote that in Zimbabwe, we ate nigger balls – black candy. We didn’t know (or care) what that meant but we all ate them. I figured it out when I was about 19 years old. Still call them that.

25.) made any other joke intended to offend a specific group of people?

What’s the difference with #24

26.) put salt on a snail? 27.) egged somebody’s house?

28.) stolen anything?

Money from my mom’s purse.

29.) stolen anything from a small child? 30.) tripped somebody? 31.) tripped somebody with the intent to cause harm?

32.) thought that you were the only one who mattered?

Sometimes I am. 

33.) purposely broken something which belonged to another person? 34.) borrowed something only never to return it? 35.) started a fight?

36.) insulted somebody?

I can imagine. I speak my mind sometimes. But Im learning to be more sensitive.

37.) made somebody cry because of an insult?

Not that I know of, but see number 36.

38.) made a voodoo doll of somebody you didn’t like? 39.) pulled somebody’s hair? 40.) purposely ruined somebody’s clothes? 41.) wanted to poison somebody? 42.) poisoned somebody? 43.) set somebody on fire? 44.) kicked somebody in the shins? 45.) told somebody that (s)he looked terrible? (in a malicious way.)

46.) commented on somebody’s lack of intelligence?

Yes. It as an ex. For example, he thought it was a good idea to drive to the trains station to get $2 worth of quarters so we could use the coin operated washing machine in the basement. He would need to make this $2 run about 5 times a month. My suggestion which he didn’t consider was to go to the bank and just get $20 worth of quarters. The bank was closer than the train station.
47.) led somebody on with an ulterior motive?


48.) felt that if somebody didn’t stop doing a particular thing, that you were going to strangle him/her? (or something equally or more mean.)  49.) felt that somebody was just in the way? 50.) wanted to be friends with somebody only because (s)he was popular? 51.) thrown somebody into a dumpster? 52.) not warned somebody when you foresaw something bad about to happen to him/her? 53.) thought you were better than somebody else, only because you were better looking? 54.) been decidedly greedy?

55.) felt that when a person died, (s)he was doing a service to society?

Yes. Yes. Yes. This included certain presidents of certain countries and other cruel people the world can do without. Like the people that set a Mozambiquan man on fire because they are just xenophobic. These people exist, and would do the world a huge favor if they died. Yes.

56.) told somebody that (s)he was worthless? (and meant it.)

57.) not stopped your car to help somebody who was stranded on the road?

I’m a girl. What could I do? Ive stopped to give a stranger a lift on the way home in the snow. But I’m not stopping for potential rapists and serial killers. There was a  cop in Massachusetts who used to rape women after pulling them over. I may not stops for cops either. 

58.) been racist? 59.) made racist comments to somebody? 60.) acted rashly due to hatred of a specific race? 61.) decided that you hated a specific type of people? (stereotyped?). 62.) recommended to somebody that (s)he should commit suicide? 63.) turned the hose on a stranger? 64.) thrown water balloons at passing cars? 65.) put tacks on somebody’s chair? 66.) broken somebody’s window on purpose? 67.) beat up somebody? 68.) beat up a small child?
69.) tortured somebody in a medieval dungeon? 70.) *seriously* tortured somebody in a medieval dungeon?

71.) felt that people should stop what they were doing just to help you?

Yes, Often. Like at the bank when there are two tellers chatting and you are standing there waiting to get helped. They should stop whatever they are doing…

72.) committed a misdemeanor? 73.) gotten away with it? 74.) committed a felony? 75.) gotten away with it? 76.) poked somebody’s eye out? 77.) broken something worth over $500? 78.) broken something worth over $500 on purpose? 79.) attempted to cast a spell in order to send a person a little bit of ill-will? 80.) peed on a homeless person? 81.) shaken a baby to death? (like Louise Woodward, the British Au Pair.) 82.) broken a bottle, vase, or other glass item over somebody’s head? 83.) pushed somebody out of a boat?

84.) *really* felt that you wanted the bad guys to win in a movie?


85.) wanted to open Pandora’s Box, just to see what would happen? 86.) pushed somebody in a roller/ice skating rink, just so (s)he would fall down? 87.) written something mean in somebody’s yearbook (or written a mean letter to somebody), and signed it anonymously? (or signed the name of another person?) 88.) written something mean in somebody’s yearbook (or written a mean letter to somebody), and signed your name? 89.) burned somebody’s house down? (or if not a house, then a flat, trailer, cardboard box, whatever.) 90.) carried a concealed weapon? 91.) carried a concealed weapon other than the obvious?

92.) avoided somebody only so that you would not have to talk him/her?

So many many many times.

93.) decided that you were a sadist? 94.) tied up a masochist, only not to hurt them? 95.) considered that maybe Satan *did* invent Devil’s Food Cake? 96.) wanted to exclude somebody from a group, because you felt that his/her presence detracted from your own? 97.) actually excluded the person aforementioned? 98.) bitten somebody maliciously?
99.) attempted to kill yourself? 100.) taken a purity test before, and decided that you wanted a *lower* purity percentage?


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